Developing A More Robust Self-Esteem For Children: Benefits Of Active Listening In Parenting

Bhavya Tandon

Psychologist and Child Development Consultant

A child’s mental health is dependent on their understanding of their sense of self-worth, which affects their social interactions, resilience, academic performance and confidence (Harter, 2012).

This can be accelerated with the help of active listening by parents. Interestingly, active listening has become popular but is still underrated in actuality (Harter, 2012). It is a real game changer that can be used by parents to help children develop a sense of self-worth. When a child feels that his opinion and feelings are valued, they feel empowered, validated and have a sense of security. 

Interpreting Active Listening

According to Ginsburg and Kinsman (2014), active listening entails more than just hearing what a child has to say; it also entails complete involvement, emotional attunement, and a readiness to comprehend their viewpoint. Many parents, frequently without realizing it, communicate in a more dismissive or directive manner, which can restrict their children’s freedom of expression. Research suggests that children who feel they are genuinely heard by their parents demonstrate not only a stronger emotional regulation but also higher self-confidence (The Thoughtful Listener, 2024).

For example, consider a child who says, “I want to dye my hair blue.” A dismissive response might be, “Absolutely not, that’s ridiculous.” However, an active listening approach would involve responding with curiosity: “So, you want to colour your hair blue? What made you think of that?” The child might reply, “Everyone’s doing it. I just feel like I don’t fit in.” Instead of shutting them down, the parent can encourage conversation: “I see, so you’re trying to feel like you belong. Tell me more about that.” This simple shift can turn a casual request into a deeper discussion about self-expression, identity, and belonging.

 

The Link Between Active Listening and Self-Esteem

Numerous studies have found a strong relationship between active listening and the development of self-esteem. Children who get responsive communication from parents report higher levels of self-esteem and emotional security (Shin et al., 2019). When a child’s emotions are acknowledged, they form the belief that their feelings and thoughts are important, boosting their confidence.

 

Furthermore, research shows that active listening in parenting not only reduces anxiety but improves emotional intelligence in children (Times of India, 2024). This practice also promotes secure attachment, a key factor in long-term psychological well-being (Ainsworth et al., 1978). Securely attached children develop a stronger self-worth, allowing them to face life’s challenges with greater resilience and confidence.

Cultural Barriers: Parenting Norms and Low Active Listening

In many cultures, including Indian households, traditional parenting styles prioritize obedience and discipline over open communication (Saraswathi & Pai, 1997). Children are frequently expected to listen rather than speak, which can inadvertently limit self-expression and lead to low self-esteem. A study discovered that children raised in authoritative rather than authoritarian environments develop a stronger decision-making skillset and higher self-confidence as a result of more open parent-child dialogue (Family Centre.org, 2022).

For instance, if a child expresses stress about their academic performance, a typical response might be: “You have everything you need—just study harder.” While intended as encouragement, this response dismisses the child’s emotions. A more effective alternative would be: “I hear that you’re feeling overwhelmed. What’s making your studies stressful?” The child feels validated this way and processing of their emotions becomes easier.

Practical Strategies for Parents

Parents can foster active listening by making small but impactful changes in daily interactions:

 

  • Be Fully Present – Set aside distractions and maintain eye contact during conversations.
  • Reflect and Validate – Paraphrase the child’s words to show understanding (e.g., “It sounds like you’re feeling frustrated with your grades.”).
  • Ask Open-Ended Questions – Encourage discussion by avoiding yes/no questions (e.g., “What do you think would help you feel more comfortable in class?”).
  • Resist Immediate Solutions – Allow the child to express themselves before offering advice.
  • Use Nonverbal Cues – Maintain an open posture, nod, and use facial expressions to convey interest.

Overcoming Common Challenges

Many parents face time constraints and stress, which can prevent meaningful conversations. Even brief but meaningful interactions, such as those during meals or bedtime, can have long-term consequences (Ginsburg, 2007). Self-reflection is also important; parents should be aware of their habitual dismissive tendencies and make conscious efforts to adopt a more empathetic approach. Research confirms that even brief but genuine conversations improve a child’s sense of emotional and well-being and security (Rematch.in, 2024).

 

Conclusion

Active listening is not just a parenting technique; it is a fundamental practice that promotes self-esteem, emotional intelligence, and strong parent-child relationships. When children feel heard and valued, they develop a strong sense of self. Shifting from directive communication to open dialogue can be transformative, especially in cultures where parental authority is frequently prioritized over emotional connection. By embracing active listening, parents can help their children thrive emotionally, socially, and academically.

 

References

Ainsworth, M. D. S., Blehar, M. C., Waters, E., & Wall, S. (1978). Patterns of attachment: A psychological study of the strange situation. Lawrence Erlbaum.

 

FamilyCentre.org. (2022, March 1). The role of communication in child development. Family Centre.

 

Ginsburg, K. R. (2007). Building resilience in children and teens: Giving kids roots and wings. American Academy of Paediatrics.

 

Ginsburg, K. R., & Kinsman, S. B. (2014). Reaching Teens: Strength-Based Communication Strategies to Build Resilience and Support Healthy Adolescent Development. American Academy of Paediatrics.

 

Harter, S. (2012). The construction of the self: Developmental and sociocultural foundations. Guilford Press.

 

Rematch.in. (2024, July 5). The importance of small conversations in child psychology. Rematch.

 

Saraswathi, T. S., & Pai, S. (1997). Socialization in the Indian context. In H. S. R. Kao & D. Sinha (Eds.), Asian perspectives on psychology (pp. 74-92). Sage Publications.

 

Shin, H., Lee, J., Kim, M. J., & Lee, S. M. (2019). Parental responsiveness and child self-esteem: A meta-analytic review. Journal of Child and Family Studies, 28(3), 742-754.

 

The Thoughtful Listener. (2024, May 13). The science of feeling heard: Why active listening matters for children. The Thoughtful Listener.

 

Times of India. (2024, July 15). Active listening in parenting and its impact on emotional intelligence. Times of India.References